She be here.

Try not to die....

Your mom called...no really, your mom.

It is all I can do not to respond to every Facebook update I see using the phrase "Your mom....."

For instance, a friend wrote "Lansing Ward potluck tomorrow. The theme is "Soups and Breads". Bring your favorite soup or bread. Hope you see you there!!"

I want to reply: " Your mom is a soup and bread." or "Your mom is a potluck".

Another update from a friend "off to Moab for the weekend with liz and a yurt." My (desired but not actually written) reply: "Your mom is as yurt."

Sometimes in real life I forget that there is no "Edit > Undo" function. Example: last Sunday when I was participating in an object lesson in RS. A few of us sisters were standing in a circle using our hands to hold pieces of yarn the RS Prez was winding around- you know, demonstrating how connected we were....Well, my ladyfriend standing next to me said "My piece of yarn is loose." My response? "Your mom is loose". What's particularly awesome about this example is that I found out about 30 minutes later that her mom was starting chemo the next day- so probably not the best time for a your mom joke- or maybe the best time for a your mom joke, it's hard to tell.

stuffs

• I still have toothpicks and plastic spoons leftover from our wedding. It cost less to buy a gross of plastic spoons for the gelato than the amount we actually needed, hence, we still have spoons. As for the toothpicks, I'm pretty sure they're like matches and you only have to buy one box a lifetime. 
• I'm still confident there are ten babies in my uterus.
• Have you ever had this before?

It's essentially peanut butter but instead of being made of peanuts it's made of biscoff cookies. De-light-ful. Buy some today.

Friday Night Ponderings

• I feel like there are ten babies stuffed inside my uterus.
• I suspect my panel pants also feel like there are ten babies stuffed inside my uterus.
• I suspect I look like there are ten babies stuffed inside my uterus.

I made these little lovelies for dinner tonight, and they were delicious. I may, or may not, have eaten three of them. In unrelated news, I'm sporting some new pants as of late:

Oh yah, you can go ahead and call me panel pants for the next 15+ weeks. 

huge

"That thing is getting huge!"
-Cyrus, regarding my belly

Sigh.

Food Drive- oh yah.

Hello Faithful Reader-

Our chiropractic & massage biznass is sponsoring a food drive (in partnership with a local Eagle Scout Project- good work Dylan!) benefiting the Utah Food Bank.  If you didn't see the recent article on KSL regarding the recent woes of a long summer of empty shelves at the Utah Food Bank, you can check it out HERE.

Balanced Health will donate a new patient chiropractic visit to the first 100 participants who bring a bag of non-perishable food items to our Midvale locale: 7200 S. State St (on the northwest corner- in the same shopping center as Shane Co. Jewelers- you know the place).

Check out the supa-cool poster below for all the needed info. Don't be a hater- be a donate-r!  (hahahaha, I just came up with that! seriously! how do i do it?!?)

P.S. Feel free to invite one and all. The more the merrier, as they say.

t.u.i.a.b.

sometimes there are moments in mom-hood when you find yourself thinking "this couldn't possibly be happening to me." one of the aforementioned moments happened this week at lowe's when cyrus, not quite as recovered from the flu as i thought, looked at me and said in the middle of the plumbing section the worst words a mom can hear: "i'm gonna throw up.".  being a natural quick thinker, i pushed the kid toward a stack of 5 gallon buckets, on sale for $3.97 a piece.  "throw up there", i said, which was met by a quizzical look of "are you crazy lady?" followed promptly by the promised action.

of course the next part was the point where "this couldn't possibly be happening to me" popped to my mind, as I grabbed the 5 gallon bucket, and wandered around looking for someone in a blue vest, to whom i explained my predicament. "um, my son threw up in this bucket, and could i, like, buy it or something, and then like throw it away somewhere?".  thank you to the nice lowe's associate who just whisked the bucket away and was nice enough not to say anything else.

and on that note, have a good weekend...or h.a.g.w.

every night

The last thing Cyrus says to us each night before we leave his room:

"Close the door quietly.  Always quietly."

doorhangin'

so lately i have been spending a lot of time moving the better part of a 5000 doorhangers for the biznass from their comfy home in a box next to my bed, to various doors around the midvale/sandy/murray area. yah, you read that right, five thousand doorhangers. just me and kid (ok so sometimes mi familia helps) going door-to-door the old fashioned way.

why would i think you, my loyal reader, would care about this? well, you probably won't, but i have made the following list nonetheless:

doorhangin': what you need to know

• dirrrty: most people have really, really dirty doors. like it's pretty ridiculous. here's an idea: if you spill diet coke down your front door in a series of unfortunate accidents, maybe you should wipe it off instead of letting it fester for the better part of a decade. my solution? baby wipes! they really are great door cleaners and your door will smell like a baby's bum, so it's pretty much a win-win-win. yep, that's a free cleaning tip! thanks, obama!
• soliciting, shmiliciting: there's as many varieties of "no soliciting" signs as there are ugly doormats (which there is an amazing amount of, friends). pre-made sign? check. self-cut vinyl letters applied at an angle? check. a 'no soliciting' sign written in 10 pt. font? check. but my personal favorite comes from a house in midvale, ut. i would have taken a picture if it wasn't infinitely creepy to take pictures of peoples front windows. it read "Attention Solicitors: I am nine months pregnant and unless you are selling something that will make child birth easier, don't knock on my door." that, my friends, is a win!
• cigs: people can get pretty creative about how to store those used cigarette butts; none of them are good.
• beware of dog: i'd estimate that if a person sports a ceramic dog on their front porch, there is about a 99% chance they own a dog.
• meanies: i've also learned that if you convince your sis-in-law kare-kare to come and help take around a doorhanger or two, and then give her a 10 minute pep talk about how no one's ever been mean to you about placing a doorhanger on their door, the fourth door she approaches will indeed have a meanie there who says, rudely "why would I want this crap!"....hahahahahah. that's still making me laugh. sorry kare-kare.

welp, there you have it. an entire post about doorhangers!

What the cuss are you doing?

You know Cyrus has watched Fantastic Mr. Fox too many times when I hand him his toothbrush and he says "What the cuss are you doing?".

And just for the record, he literally did say "cuss".

classy chassy

What's this, you ask?

Well, have you ever been bored waiting outside of the temple for an extremely slow, newly-married couple and then find yourself making small talk with the photographer who also seems bored and ready to snap a few, and then realize that you're running out of Wheat Thins, and then decide that it would make sense that you be the first photo of the wedding day? And then you strike a classic pose, a pose for the ages if you will, showing off your natural grace, as it were? And then you make the photographer take a few more classic "awkward poses" photos just for the h of it?

It happened to me once, and the above is the results. The classy, classy result.

If the math adds up

If: someone tells Cyrus he's soooo cute in the toy aisle of the store, and

then: someone tells Cyrus he looks just like his Mommy at the checkout

does: me=cute?

I think the picture below holds the answer:

things i won't/will blog about

things i won't blog about:

• what i did for christmas. let's just say it ruled, i ate my weight in chocolate-coated candies, and the infant child insists we still sing 'rudolph the red-nosed reindeer' every night before he goes to bed.
• cyrus' transition (or non-transition, you could say) to nursery.
• snow and cold weather and my general dislike of both.

things i will blog about:

• "mom, what does downloading mean?" - cyrus....well, this question just rules and i want to document it on the world wide interweb so one day when even google is obsolete (kidding, we all know this won't happen), he'll know that January 10, 2011 was the day he got his first techo-lecture. he also learned the word "incognito" on sesame street, but i view this as a less important milestone.
• "mom, maybe when i get older i can drink diet coke?" -cyrus, again. this question is 10% sad commentary on my d.c. drinking habit, but also 90% hilarious. but it does show that i am a good mom because (generally speaking) i don't let him drink diet coke (unless it's caffeine free, of course).
• our new business. what new business, you inquire? welp, the spousal unit and i are the proud new owners of a chiropractic and massage biz-nass. let me answer the questions in the order they are bound to pop up in your head: 1) keith went to chiropractic school? no, but his brother did. we simply own the business, and keith's brother dr. eric does that actually back-a-cracking. 2) keith went to massage therapy school? also, the answer is no (sadly, for all you lady-readers). dr. erik's wife, gretchen, is a massage therapist extraordinaire. no, really, she rules. 3) where is your biz-nass? located on the northwest corner of 7200 s. and state street a la midvale, utah. you know, in the same parking lot as the shane jewelry company with those ever-present commercials. 4) are you kidding?? i love chirorpractics and massages and the like. how do i call to set up an appointment? funny you should ask, because i just recently memorized the phone number..... (me picking up cell phone because i haven't actually memorized a phone number since the late nineties) 801-748-0056. if you want to find out more, check out our website here, link HERE.

obligatory halloween post

The infant child is so cute he can put people into conniptions (it's true! I've seen it!) so I've only included the following two pics from the pumpkin patch:

Hold it together man! Geez, let's take a break from all the skeletal (that's his costume) beauty.

Kidding!

Now a little spooky Halloween Red-Eye with his youngest aunty!

As a parting shot, these muffins ruled! The title alone is a delight: Pumpkin Cheesecake Muffins. And I'm pretty sure there is only one to two days worth of calories in each one, so it's pretty much a win, win, win situation.

An excerpt

An excerpt from Cyrus' lunch prayer:

"Please bless the trucks and the robots."

Amen, son, amen.