the cheneys:

Your mom called...no really, your mom.

2012-01-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

It is all I can do not to respond to every Facebook update I see using the phrase "Your mom....."

For instance, a friend wrote "Lansing Ward potluck tomorrow. The theme is "Soups and Breads". Bring your favorite soup or bread. Hope you see you there!!"

I want to reply: " Your mom is a soup and bread." or "Your mom is a potluck".

Another update from a friend "off to Moab for the weekend with liz and a yurt." My (desired but not actually written) reply: "Your mom is as yurt."

Sometimes in real life I forget that there is no "Edit > Undo" function. Example: last Sunday when I was participating in an object lesson in RS. A few of us sisters were standing in a circle using our hands to hold pieces of yarn the RS Prez was winding around- you know, demonstrating how connected we were....Well, my ladyfriend standing next to me said "My piece of yarn is loose." My response? "Your mom is loose". What's particularly awesome about this example is that I found out about 30 minutes later that her mom was starting chemo the next day- so probably not the best time for a your mom joke- or maybe the best time for a your mom joke, it's hard to tell.

stuffs

2012-01-08T16:51:00.000-07:00

I still have toothpicks and plastic spoons leftover from our wedding. It cost less to buy a gross of plastic spoons for the gelato than the amount we actually needed, hence, we still have spoons. As for the toothpicks, I'm pretty sure they're like matches and you only have to buy one box a lifetime.
I'm still confident there are ten babies in my uterus.
Have you ever had this before?

It's essentially peanut butter but instead of being made of peanuts it's made of biscoff cookies. De-light-ful. Buy some today.

Friday Night Ponderings

2011-11-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

I feel like there are ten babies stuffed inside my uterus.
I suspect my panel pants also feel like there are ten babies stuffed inside my uterus.
I suspect I look like there are ten babies stuffed inside my uterus.

2011-11-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

I made these little lovelies for dinner tonight, and they were delicious. I may, or may not, have eaten three of them. In unrelated news, I'm sporting some new pants as of late:

Oh yah, you can go ahead and call me panel pants for the next 15+ weeks.

huge

2011-09-25T19:18:00.001-06:00

"That thing is getting huge!"
-Cyrus, regarding my belly

Sigh.

Food Drive- oh yah.

2011-08-26T13:05:00.000-06:00

Hello Faithful Reader-

Our chiropractic & massage biznass is sponsoring a food drive (in partnership with a local Eagle Scout Project- good work Dylan!) benefiting the Utah Food Bank. If you didn't see the recent article on KSL regarding the recent woes of a long summer of empty shelves at the Utah Food Bank, you can check it out HERE.

Balanced Health will donate a new patient chiropractic visit to the first 100 participants who bring a bag of non-perishable food items to our Midvale locale: 7200 S. State St (on the northwest corner- in the same shopping center as Shane Co. Jewelers- you know the place).

Check out the supa-cool poster below for all the needed info. Don't be a hater- be a donate-r! (hahahaha, I just came up with that! seriously! how do i do it?!?)

P.S. Feel free to invite one and all. The more the merrier, as they say.

t.u.i.a.b.

2011-07-15T12:51:00.000-06:00

sometimes there are moments in mom-hood when you find yourself thinking "this couldn't possibly be happening to me." one of the aforementioned moments happened this week at lowe's when cyrus, not quite as recovered from the flu as i thought, looked at me and said in the middle of the plumbing section the worst words a mom can hear: "i'm gonna throw up.". being a natural quick thinker, i pushed the kid toward a stack of 5 gallon buckets, on sale for $3.97 a piece. "throw up there", i said, which was met by a quizzical look of "are you crazy lady?" followed promptly by the promised action.

of course the next part was the point where "this couldn't possibly be happening to me" popped to my mind, as I grabbed the 5 gallon bucket, and wandered around looking for someone in a blue vest, to whom i explained my predicament. "um, my son threw up in this bucket, and could i, like, buy it or something, and then like throw it away somewhere?". thank you to the nice lowe's associate who just whisked the bucket away and was nice enough not to say anything else.

and on that note, have a good weekend...or h.a.g.w.

every night

2011-07-15T12:41:00.000-06:00

The last thing Cyrus says to us each night before we leave his room:

"Close the door quietly. Always quietly."

doorhangin'

2011-06-28T16:20:00.002-06:00

so lately i have been spending a lot of time moving the better part of a 5000 doorhangers for the biznass from their comfy home in a box next to my bed, to various doors around the midvale/sandy/murray area. yah, you read that right, five thousand doorhangers. just me and kid (ok so sometimes mi familia helps) going door-to-door the old fashioned way.

why would i think you, my loyal reader, would care about this? well, you probably won't, but i have made the following list nonetheless:

doorhangin': what you need to know

dirrrty: most people have really, really dirty doors. like it's pretty ridiculous. here's an idea: if you spill diet coke down your front door in a series of unfortunate accidents, maybe you should wipe it off instead of letting it fester for the better part of a decade. my solution? baby wipes! they really are great door cleaners and your door will smell like a baby's bum, so it's pretty much a win-win-win. yep, that's a free cleaning tip! thanks, obama!
soliciting, shmiliciting: there's as many varieties of "no soliciting" signs as there are ugly doormats (which there is an amazing amount of, friends). pre-made sign? check. self-cut vinyl letters applied at an angle? check. a 'no soliciting' sign written in 10 pt. font? check. but my personal favorite comes from a house in midvale, ut. i would have taken a picture if it wasn't infinitely creepy to take pictures of peoples front windows. it read "Attention Solicitors: I am nine months pregnant and unless you are selling something that will make child birth easier, don't knock on my door." that, my friends, is a win!
cigs: people can get pretty creative about how to store those used cigarette butts; none of them are good.
beware of dog: i'd estimate that if a person sports a ceramic dog on their front porch, there is about a 99% chance they own a dog.
meanies: i've also learned that if you convince your sis-in-law kare-kare to come and help take around a doorhanger or two, and then give her a 10 minute pep talk about how no one's ever been mean to you about placing a doorhanger on their door, the fourth door she approaches will indeed have a meanie there who says, rudely "why would I want this crap!"....hahahahahah. that's still making me laugh. sorry kare-kare.

welp, there you have it. an entire post about doorhangers!

What the cuss are you doing?

2011-04-15T21:48:00.002-06:00

You know Cyrus has watched Fantastic Mr. Fox too many times when I hand him his toothbrush and he says "What the cuss are you doing?".

And just for the record, he literally did say "cuss".

classy chassy

2011-02-01T21:26:00.005-07:00

What's this, you ask?

Well, have you ever been bored waiting outside of the temple for an extremely slow, newly-married couple and then find yourself making small talk with the photographer who also seems bored and ready to snap a few, and then realize that you're running out of Wheat Thins, and then decide that it would make sense that you be the first photo of the wedding day? And then you strike a classic pose, a pose for the ages if you will, showing off your natural grace, as it were? And then you make the photographer take a few more classic "awkward poses" photos just for the h of it?

It happened to me once, and the above is the results. The classy, classy result.

If the math adds up

2011-01-13T19:54:00.004-07:00

If: someone tells Cyrus he's soooo cute in the toy aisle of the store, and

then: someone tells Cyrus he looks just like his Mommy at the checkout

does: me=cute?

I think the picture below holds the answer:

things i won't/will blog about

2011-01-10T18:58:00.005-07:00

things i won't blog about:

what i did for christmas. let's just say it ruled, i ate my weight in chocolate-coated candies, and the infant child insists we still sing 'rudolph the red-nosed reindeer' every night before he goes to bed.
cyrus' transition (or non-transition, you could say) to nursery.
snow and cold weather and my general dislike of both.

things i will blog about:

"mom, what does downloading mean?" - cyrus....well, this question just rules and i want to document it on the world wide interweb so one day when even google is obsolete (kidding, we all know this won't happen), he'll know that January 10, 2011 was the day he got his first techo-lecture. he also learned the word "incognito" on sesame street, but i view this as a less important milestone.
"mom, maybe when i get older i can drink diet coke?" -cyrus, again. this question is 10% sad commentary on my d.c. drinking habit, but also 90% hilarious. but it does show that i am a good mom because (generally speaking) i don't let him drink diet coke (unless it's caffeine free, of course).
our new business. what new business, you inquire? welp, the spousal unit and i are the proud new owners of a chiropractic and massage biz-nass. let me answer the questions in the order they are bound to pop up in your head: 1) keith went to chiropractic school? no, but his brother did. we simply own the business, and keith's brother dr. eric does that actually back-a-cracking. 2) keith went to massage therapy school? also, the answer is no (sadly, for all you lady-readers). dr. erik's wife, gretchen, is a massage therapist extraordinaire. no, really, she rules. 3) where is your biz-nass? located on the northwest corner of 7200 s. and state street a la midvale, utah. you know, in the same parking lot as the shane jewelry company with those ever-present commercials. 4) are you kidding?? i love chirorpractics and massages and the like. how do i call to set up an appointment? funny you should ask, because i just recently memorized the phone number..... (me picking up cell phone because i haven't actually memorized a phone number since the late nineties) 801-748-0056. if you want to find out more, check out our website here, link HERE.

obligatory halloween post

2010-11-01T15:32:00.003-06:00

The infant child is so cute he can put people into conniptions (it's true! I've seen it!) so I've only included the following two pics from the pumpkin patch:

Hold it together man! Geez, let's take a break from all the skeletal (that's his costume) beauty.

Kidding!

Now a little spooky Halloween Red-Eye with his youngest aunty!

As a parting shot, these muffins ruled! The title alone is a delight: Pumpkin Cheesecake Muffins. And I'm pretty sure there is only one to two days worth of calories in each one, so it's pretty much a win, win, win situation.

An excerpt

2010-10-08T13:05:00.001-06:00

An excerpt from Cyrus' lunch prayer:

"Please bless the trucks and the robots."

Amen, son, amen.

2010-09-26T19:19:00.001-06:00

no, really

2010-08-11T14:40:00.002-06:00

dear man who asked me for "jobs for food" for him and his three month pregnant fiance, or just some money if i didn't have any jobs,

what makes you think that d.i.* would make a good place to panhandle? no really, it seems like that would be the last place one should beg from strangers. i mean, these are people who buy their clothing/goods/children's toys/christmas presents second hand.** is the thinking that people who are so down on their luck that they're buying secondhand underpants*** are more likely going to be able to relate to your plight? is the thought process that it's a somewhat but not really religious place, so people will be nicer? because it's been my experience that people shopping at d.i. are not the nicest of people. have you ever seen the crowds, elbowing, pushing when a fresh cart of junk arrives? it's ugly, man.

no really, dear reader, is d.i. the best or the worst place to panhandle?

best regards,

the girl who told you that i didn't have any money on her, and really, it was true

*if you're unfamiliar with those initials, it's like a Goodwill type of place, except for it's run by the mormons. there's practically one on every corner in utah. ok, well, not really, but like one per a city. that's impressive, folks.

**i, of course, belong in this group, of course.

***flight of the concords reference here. "hey man, i just want some muesli"

Signs of the Times

2010-07-26T23:22:00.005-06:00

-When I opened my kitchen garbage can Sunday morning I found Cyrus' dirty clothes from the night before...yes, instead of putting dirty clothes in the laundry, I put them in the garbage. Wow. That's a new low.

-I took the following picture at my sister's pool in their condo development. In case you were wondering, they also don't allow "game playing, including Marco Polo" at the pool.

- A picture of a typical morning at our household:

@ Murray Park

2010-07-16T09:39:00.001-06:00

Me: "I'm thirsty. I need to get a drink."

Cyrus: "Let's get you a Diet Coke."

domesticity

2010-07-15T09:28:00.002-06:00

Do you know what pure and simple domesticity looks like:

That's right suckers. I "made" a cake and put on a glass pedestal. And not just any cake, an ice cream cake. Made almost entirely from scratch, except for the cake and ice cream, of course. I even lovingly coaxed the ice cream into a ring-type shape without the aid of a mold. And to complete the ensemb I hand-washed the glass pedestal before placing the cake inside.

Maybe later I'll post some pictures of the stove decorated with balloons and the paper tape from a calculator.

Happy Birthday to you honey, Happy Birthday to you.

2010-06-29T21:39:00.001-06:00

"That's not a car, that's a truck Mommy."

-Cyrus, referring to a dump truck, duh Mom.

fathers day sucker

2010-06-16T22:09:00.003-06:00

You know what's hard to find?

A non-lame fathers/grandfathers/etc. day craft. I even googled "fathers day crafts that aren't lame" and came up with a surprisingly pathetic pittance.

This is the best I came up with.

Maybe next year honey. Maybe.

2010-05-29T22:44:00.001-06:00

"Your belly has marks."

-Cyrus, to me, after looking at my stomach, and perhaps noticing the 103 stretch marks I have.

Keith, today...

2010-05-18T23:06:00.003-06:00

"Bubby and I were just going over the months of the year. January, February, March, April, chlorine. (two second pause) I think I just fell asleep."

-after being awake since 2:30 A.M., while cuddling the Bubs in bed.

2010-05-16T23:11:00.003-06:00

Did you know there is such a thing as getting a bad package of Mentos?

Yah, neither did I. What a disappointment.

deceptive

2010-03-22T22:15:00.002-06:00

You know what I'm sick of? Seeing a link to an interweb story titled "7 Easy Weekday Meals" and then seeing a picture of this:

Yah, I totally use mini carrots and roasted grapes in most of my "easy" dishes.

las-ag-na

2010-03-15T22:33:00.003-06:00

It's almost embarrassing how happy I get when I make a healthy/vegetarian/easy meal. Seriously, I can't shut up. I've already made three phone calls, one email, and thirty minutes of discussion with my beloved on the subject (and soon to be one blog post).

What did I make, you ask?

http://www.recipezaar.com/easy-vegetable-lasagna-395568

Feel free to contact me for more information, instructional tips, or vegetable suggestions.

2010-03-07T22:26:00.002-07:00

Dear Gods of Naps,

Please, please, please, please, please let Cyrus start taking naps again. My sanity insists on it.

You're the best!

Mom of a baby who has not taken a nap in three days....THREE DAYS!!!!

when Cyrus gets a hold of the camera

2010-02-27T21:55:00.002-07:00

sometimes

2010-02-11T23:53:00.002-07:00

Sometimes when you're a mom you crawl into your bed at the end of the day just to find you're sleeping in a pile of chocolate graham cracker crumbs leftover from the blessed infant child.

before nursery

2010-02-07T10:31:00.002-07:00

Me "What's your favorite color?"
Cyrus "Rainbow."

Just spotted....

2010-01-17T23:53:00.002-07:00

You know how when you're in your gmail account, how on the right hand side of the screen they have their "sponsored links"? They're always a delight. In particular today's ad, that read like this:

Am I a Good Mom?

Take the Quiz & See if you are a Good, Bad or So So Mother.

MyDailyMoment.com

It's just a shot in the dark, but I'm pretty sure "angel sent from above mother" would be my results.

The Decade

2010-01-08T23:27:00.005-07:00

So, like a million friends of mine have done this (read: Manda and the other Asian Emily), so I decided why not? I love bandwagons. But not pictures, so don't get too excited.

2000

Graduated from high school, and made the difficult decision to go to Southern Virginia University, in Buena Vista VA. Had no idea what I was studying, and had a terrible case of homesickness. I ran Cross Country and made friends that I still have.

2001

Thought I wasn't going to go back to SVU, but at the last minute, decided to go back. Worked at a deli for the summer and that may have led me to a life of vegetarianism. Continued to run, but never got that fast.

2002

Decided to major in art and humanities, for reasons I can't seem to recall. Stayed in BV for the summer, and had more fun that I ever had before. Continued to work for the Admissions department at SVU.

2003

Graduated with my Bachelors and had my first art show. Broke out in crazy, unexplained hives. Studied abroad in Italy for two weeks with my art professor and ate more pizza margheritas than I should have. Saw some of the best art in my life, including my first Cy Twombly painting. Ended up moving home to Sandy, UT because I thought I would be dropped from my health insurance. Moved into an apartment on State Street, didn't have a car, and found out how hard it is to get around town with just a bus pass. Also went to one of the LDSBC's student wards down town on 700 East.

Went back to school almost immediately because I discovered I had no marketable skills. Started studying graphic design and working part time as ad admissions representative. Debt, shmbet.

2004

Bought my first home/condo in West Valley. Yes, West Valley. Lived by myself. At first I hated it, and then I realized I loved it. Got a roommate and learned the importance of getting a contract signed. Whoops.

Continued going to the LDSBC student ward where I met a boy named Keith; gave him my number on a used tithing slip after he asked me about the leprechaun I was drawing in Sunday School. We eventually went out on a first date where we rode (well, I rode, he drove) motorcycles around Salt Lake until the wee hours of July 24th. Through out the course of the evening I managed to figure out that he went into the hospital a few days later to start a round of chemo therapy/bone marrow transplant to treat his leukemia. For some reason this did not deter me, and I continued to visit Keith very

often in the hospital, and as he continued to recover at his parents house. Found out I hate the smell of hospital food but love the candy hot tamales. Keith agreed on this, and towards the end of the year, decided to marry his hot girlfriend.

2005

Got a nice ring on my finger, and married Keith in June. Keith was able to go back to work the week before we were married, and we enjoyed a hone

ymoon in Lake Tahoe. Enjoyed a few months where we were both gainfully employed until I was laid off from my admissions job in the fall. I started working part time doing data entry and eventually studying to get my insurance license. Keith had a bout of pneumonia in December, and ended up staying the week before Christmas in the hospital in some sort of 'bubble boy' situation. Thankfully he is out in time for Christmas and we get to spend our first Christmas at home.

2006

Keith and I had had enough of living on the west side, west side, so we decided to move, and sold our house ourselves in three weeks. My sister Jamie and her husband Brandon were also looking for a home at the same time. For reasons we'll never understand, we decided to buy a home together, with a mother-in-law apartment, so we could split the house/mortgage/expenses. Our house in Midvale needed a lot of work, so we worked round the clock for several months trying to get our home livable. We did a lot of couch-surfing during the time, mostly on grandma/pa's couch. We were finally able to move in, at least to the top floor of the house, and continued to live together for the rest of the year. Unbelievable, but true.

2007

I quit working at State Farm and instead went back to admissions at Neumont University. Keith decided to quit his job and we started our own business, Lifeguard Pools & Spas. It was a very exciting time, especially because we found out we (well, actually me) was with child. Keith's doctors had previously told us that it would be virtually impossible for us to have children, so we were extremely surprised, and very excited. I found out that I could be incredibly sick, and that I could survive, and make an infant-child, on a diet of ginger ale and pop tarts.

Cyrus was born in December, a

nd although he was a little yellow, there were no major complications, and we were very happy to have our baby...even if he slept on our dresser.

2008

We got a little sick of the cramped quarters, so we moved out of our Midvale house to be apartment managers (or lords of the slum if you will) at an apartment complex downtown. Cousins Dani & Brandi live across the hall and we have the funnest/most annoying time of our lives (fun because of the cousins, annoying because of tenants and cockroaches). Turns out we had given birth to one of the cutest babies alive, so that was a relief.

We decided to buy out Jamie/Brandon's half of the house, and become real homeowners. The basement remodel, finally, finally gets finished! We celebrate a lot of firsts with the kid.

2009

In February I decided to go back to work at NU part-time which pretty much rips out my heart, but I get used to it and stop texting the babysitter every hour. Keith continues to work at UPS while working the pool boy angle as well. I found out that I can mow a lawn with a 25 lb. baby on my back. Impressive, I know.

2010-01-03T23:00:00.003-07:00

What did Cyrus name his new Betta fish you ask?

Answer: goldfish.

If you're a mom

2009-12-21T00:25:00.003-07:00

Dear Infant-Child,

I found your cookie stash a few days after you forgot where you put your cookie stash.

Signed,

I Ate Your Cookies

Cyrus=artist

2009-12-17T23:13:00.002-07:00

Yes, this is Cyrus half naked.
Yes, we are in a public place.
Yes, that is my bum.
Yes, I am aware those pockets aren't doing me any favors.
No, I'm not a bad mom.
Yes, Cyrus is crying because we made him put his 'punkin friend' down for the paint to dry.
Yes, I miss the farmers market desperately.
Yes, I'm aware I make fine, strapping male children.

Wednesday

2009-12-16T23:31:00.002-07:00

If I don't at one point in my life drive a white van with the word "chihuahua" written in scripty letters across the back window in a painfully shaped arch, I just won't be able to die happy.
I realized I haven't combed my hair in two days.
I just stayed up past my bedtime to do laundry and clean the bathroom
My lunch consisted of stolen fries and a borrowed cookie(s).

Well, here's to Thursday.

Dear Blogging Universe

2009-12-13T22:24:00.004-07:00

Dear Blogging Universe,

I pose the following questions to you all:

1. Why is that my infant-child thinks that all his clothing now "hurts" him? Socks? "Hurts!". Shoes? "Hurts!". "Fleece-lined jacket? "Hurts!".

2. Why do I think Modern Family is so good?

3. Do you think it makes me look poor if I use newspaper to wrap our gifts? (I like to think of it as "recycling")

4. Am I bad parent if the infant-child didn't wear shoes to church today?

5. Will I regret giving the infant-child a children's tool set that includes a drill he is now sleeping with?

Please let me know.

Best,
-EC

mystery

2009-12-06T23:12:00.003-07:00

Dear lady who lives two doors down from us,

Why do you sit in your parked car, engine running, for hours at a time? In December? Every night? Do you just love your carport that much?

I seriously need to know. It is driving me crazy. And your carbon footprint is, like, bigger than the people cutting down trees and shipping them to China. So stop it.

Best regards,

The lady who drives by your house, suspiciously slow, checking the clock so I can see how long it is you really spend out there

Reasons I Don't Go To Sunday School

2009-11-15T21:45:00.002-07:00

On my most recent visit to Sunday School, I was slipping (mostly unnoticed) into my seat in the back row, only about 10 minutes late when I quietly placed my bag (which may or may not have a big skull on it- thanks cousin Dani!) on the ground when I started hearing a strange "mew-mew"ing coming from said bag. Turns out somebody managed to activate Cyrus' recently acquired screaming cat keychain....twice.

"Mew! Mew! Mew"

"Mew! Mew! Mew!"

It only has blue flashing eyes, so it's not like half the room was stifling giggles or anything.

It's going to be a long mom-hood.

2009-11-04T12:17:00.003-07:00

Dear People Of The World Who Believe Even The Most Mundane of Household Chores Deserves a Change Into Industrial Overalls,

I applaud you and your felt cowboy hats.

Best of luck,

Girl Who Still Wears The Shirt I Took From the Free Pile In College (Which Turns Out Belonged To Leah Bischoff)

2009-11-01T21:50:00.002-07:00

Dear Vegetarian Blog Readers,

I realize that after that heading, no one is actually reading at this point. So, let me restart.

Dear Self,

You really out did yourself this time! You made one heck of a normally-filled-with-meat dish into a fairly decent substituted-garbanzo beans-for meat dish. No, really! Even your husband can stand it! Check out your notes below so you don't forget:

Garbanzo Bean Salad

garbanzo beans

celery

mayo

spicy brown mustard

garlic powder

dill

lemon juice

salt & pepper

Use the ol' food process on ingredients 1 & 2, and then throw in the rest. It's that easy! Geez, you are a vegetarian genius!

Sincerely yours,

Yourself

The Eve of All Hallows Eve

2009-10-30T23:42:00.003-06:00

Listen, people just don't wake up with awesome Where The Wild Things Are hair....or do they?

hair today...

2009-10-18T23:18:00.003-06:00

I made the sudden and overwhelming realization today that practically no one in this house combs their hair on any regular basis. Some of us seem to not have enough hair, while some of us seem to have too much, and some of us just throw raging fits when they see a comb/brush/pic.

Thank goodness we have our natural good looks to rely on.

Motorcycle Love

2009-09-07T23:39:00.003-06:00

This self-indulgent pose (hahahahaha! like they are not all self-indulgent!!!!) is because my kid is cute and likes motorcycles and really, what else is there in life?

Put down the cheesecake

2009-09-02T22:52:00.003-06:00

Ok, you know how sometimes, it's late at night and you are finishing off your last piece of cheesecake for the day (unless, of course, the mood strikes you again in the next 7 minutes before you lay your little head to rest) and you Google search your name and you find something weird?

Well, that just happened to me and I found this website:

http://www.elleuk.com/fashion/street-style/(section)/the-way-you-wear-it-reading-and-leeds-festival/(offset)/0/(img)/364359

That girl has my name!!!

But then I found this link:

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4188/is_20030717/ai_n11407463/

and remembered that years ago I got into a juried art show (may or may not have been the only) but for some reason, I was the only person on the list who doesn't have their media listed next to their artwork (btw, it should have read 'mixed').

And then I find this baby:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/773399/?pg=2

and remember there was a day when I could run a 10k in 44 minutes.

So I put down the cheesecake.

i need this bike

2009-08-31T23:44:00.000-06:00

i really do.

like mother, like son

2009-07-21T21:57:00.002-06:00

dear teenage boy i spotted at the store with a suspiciously similar haircut to your mom,

i hate to say it, but that 'do is not doing anyone any favors.

yours,

the woman who kept staring at you, but hopefully didn't creep you out- i mean, it's not like i'm blogging about you...

tuesdays with cyrus

2009-07-07T12:46:00.002-06:00

thoughts from my visit to the grocery store today:

I will most likely be getting "Pain is love" tattooed across my neck in some sort of scripty font that looks like someone with a nervous twitch wrote it. Or maybe on my hairless calf....hard to say at this point.
I bought some water bottles today that proudly advertised across the front that they are "100% natural* and calorie free". Seriously?!? Water is calorie free? Oh geez, I must have confused the caloric content of egg nog for water, and vice versa, this whole time...boy does that explain a few stretch marks.
I also had the following conversation:

Checkout lady with thick Russian accent: "Is that your blonkie?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Checkout lady with thick Russian accent pointing to baby blanket: "Is that your blonkie?
Me: "Ohhhhh, yah, that's our blonkie."

Long Day

2009-06-25T11:58:00.003-06:00

You know it's going to be a long day when "cut baby's fingernails" has to be written on a to do list.

brett graduates + my legs

2009-06-19T17:01:00.003-06:00

finally someone else besides me has a bachelors degree...finally.

well, hello there.

beauty becomes us.

you can die now.

2009-06-19T16:57:00.000-06:00

In case you forgot how cute I was when I was a kid

2009-06-08T22:55:00.001-06:00

Let's just say Cyrus isn't the only cute baby that ever was in this family...

Sometimes

2009-05-22T14:23:00.002-06:00

Sometimes you just need a salad covered in cheetos and tortilla chips.

Ring My Bell

2009-05-21T12:50:00.002-06:00

dear police officer spotted ordering from taco bell drive up at 10:30 A.M.-

amen brother!

sincerely,
the girl who would eat bean burritos for breakfast if society allowed

2009-05-10T22:59:00.003-06:00

If I never saw another piece of adult clothing with Tweety Bird on it in this lifetime, I think I would survive.

2009-04-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

dear person sitting in the car next to me on state street with a picture of will smith as fresh prince of bell aire on your dashboard,

hahahahahah!

that is all,
girl who was cleaning the interior of her car at stop lights today to save time

Lunch, Today

2009-04-13T11:25:00.001-06:00

Kidding! I totally threw it away (it was a four day old sandwich, after all) and ate candy instead. Hello!

Spring Is In The Air

2009-04-06T23:09:00.002-06:00

Q. How do you know when it's really spring?

>

>

wait for it...

A. When your red neck neighbors finally take down their icicle christmas lights!

2009-04-05T15:45:00.002-06:00

dear persons around me who think i look like a polygamist because my hair is getting so long,

i know. i will be getting my semi-annual haircut soon.

best regards,
me

2009-04-02T22:09:00.002-06:00

Dear Man In Front of Me At Harmons Who Purchased Only Beer and Cheese,

You must lead a good life.

Yours Truly,

The Girl Purchasing Only Garlic Bread and Diet Root Beer

Welcome To The Dark Side

2009-04-01T21:59:00.001-06:00

Oh you didn't know vegetarianism had a dark side???

http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20090402/hl_hsn/thedarksideofvegetarianism

what is the most unattractive male name?

2009-03-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

dear lady

2009-02-23T21:21:00.005-07:00

dear lady who was the checker-outer at the Smith's today,

you're right. my baby is the cutest thing ever.

sincerely,
mother of aforementioned baby

p.s., and yes, i am aware his cheeks are irresistible.

2009-02-22T22:04:00.003-07:00

dear lady wearing a tank top at cosco friday night/girl wearing shorts with 1 inch inseam at gateway on saturday/receptionist at baby's doctors office three weeks ago wearing some sort of capri pant:

it is february.

sincerely,

a concerned citizen

I don't care if it's wrong

2009-02-19T09:00:00.004-07:00

I could eat 300 of these little guys a day and not even break a sweat. Or a cavity filling.

And that's really saying somethin'.

VD

2009-02-14T12:37:00.003-07:00

I usually don't condone the posting of ridiculously boring baby videos. Ever. I hate them.

HOWEVER...I happen to be the owner, I mean mother, of a cuter than average infant child. And said cuter than average baby was being particularly adorable this Valentines morning. And he just happened to be nude. And he just happened to be eating with a big boy fork. And he just happened to start practicing his animal noises. So watch it and try not to die.

Becoming That Woman

2009-02-03T08:39:00.003-07:00

On Friday night, Keith and I were luxuriously laying about watching a somewhat suspenseful movie and bam! the doorbell rang. At 9:30 PM. And we don't have any friends. Especially who visit our home. So, being somewhat alarmed, Keith answered the door (picture me yelling in the background, "CHECK THE PEEPHOLE! THE PEEPHOLE!") and found on our doorstep............nothing! Nada! Not even a plate of cookies (the only reason doorbells should be rung really, in my hungry opinion. Well, this really gets us going. I dash out on the porch with a half dressed baby yelling things into the night like "Punk kids!" "Watch your back!" and other age-appropriate threats, because surely a hardened criminal is behind this shenanigan. This isn't enough for Keith. He starts taking a threatening walk around our circle, just in time to see a door slam close at our neighbor's house, followed by little people (aka children, not actual midgets, at least i don't think so, but who knows, right? Maybe there are more midgets amongst us then we think....but that's another post another day).

(Paragraph break for dramatic effect)

Keith, being 99% sure that he has nailed the would be hardened criminals, menacingly paces in front of the house with the little children/maybe midgets, all the while throwing nasty glares towards the window. Glares that say things like "Punk kids!" and "Watch your back!". All the while, me and baby are back at home, wondering where our daddy/husband/ever loving protector has disappeared to. About now I become most certain that the feared hardened criminals have ambushed daddy/husband/ever loving protector and are about to come and steal mommy and baby, which prompts me to stand on the front porch, whispering phrases like "Sweets, where are you???" and "Come home now!!!!" into the night, with no response.

(Is your heart beating faster now?)

Well, too long story trying to get shorter, Keith comes home and reports his findings and 99% surety, but I can't let it go. I want the little kids/people to know not to do this ever again to our innocent little home. I want to explain that I may, or may not, have an overactive imagination that cannot take innocent 9:30 doorbell ditches sans cookies. I want them to know that if they do it again and wake up baby, there will be blood, blood i say! So what do I do? Turn into "that" woman. I look up the name of the nice mom who owns said home in the ward directory, call her up, and tattle. I tattle hard. Ha! Take that little kid (turns out it was not a group of midgets, but a few 12 year old boys, one of which is a very cute deacon from our ward who regularly takes his dog on walks, but is clearly on the path to shoplifting, drive bys, etc.)

Moral of the story: thank heavens for ward directories.

Important Update

2009-01-29T12:13:00.001-07:00

Important Update

2009-01-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Pants, They're So Convenient

2009-01-23T09:59:00.004-07:00

I occasionally take a 94 year old woman friend of mine to her weekly hair appointment. Despite her age, Lucille is totally with it and very fun to talk to about the good ol' days, you know, like the early 1900's and such. For instance, this week the subject of pants came up (as it usually does during conversations with 94 year old women) and she made this observation about God's gift to women: "Pants, they're so convenient." All I could think was "Right?!?!"

Apparently pants didn't come into vogue for women until after she was all done with her schooling. In fact, she never saw her grandmother in pants. Ever. Not even once.

Forget computers, the internet, and modern medicine. The invention I am most thankful for is pants. Pants! Or, the women's rights movement. Whatev.

My Workout, Today

2009-01-15T11:53:00.001-07:00

This is how far I got on my workout today:

-Put on watch (so I don't exercise any longer than necessary).

-Ate a cheese breadstick.

Hello weight loss!

Pictures To Get You Through Your Week

2009-01-14T12:50:00.002-07:00

Cyrus Pierce was lucky enough to receive an authentic China Man outfit, complete with black braided ponytail from our friends Amber and Brad. (I'm trying not to judge all of our friends who have not given Cyrus Pierce his own China Man outfit. Geez, come on guys. What's a little boy to do?)

So feast your eyes on this little gem of a pic:

BAM! Right?? Are you finding that you cannot get enough of this little love of a China Man? Then get in line my friends, get in line.

I'll give you one more:
HA! Even cuter than the last! Sorry to slay you with cuteness so early on in the week, but it is the duty of the mother of the cutest boy ever.

Baby, baby

2009-01-08T09:16:00.002-07:00

Since one of my new years resolutions is to indulge in more public humiliation, I present the following picture:

I posted earlier about my "baby hair" problem. No, not my baby's hair, my baby hair. You see, after the kid was born, my hair fell out like it was allergic to my scalp (I'm still considering this a medical possibility) and then, months later, the hair framing my pretty little face (see picture above) started growing in, at the rate of about .2 cm every quarter. So now I have a head full of 'baby hair', short, tiny, extremely annoying hairs. Unfortunately said 'baby hair' gets real curly, especially in humid situations, such as the shower. So after getting all cleaned up and dressed and such, this is the view that greets me in the mirror:

I think I'll stay in my pajamas today.

merry christmas

2008-12-24T14:33:00.002-07:00

there was a time and day when I was known around the mystical land of buena vista, va for my chair dancing (not pole, silly). our landlord made the mistake of buying all of us rolling office chairs and we would occasionally pass an entire afternoon without leaving our chairs....i even watched jessee cook a turkey all while seated in a rolling chair. and heaven help you if you decided the living room would be a good make out spot. you couldn't last five minutes before someone would roll by wagging their finger at you.

those were the days.

HALLELUJAH!

2008-12-17T13:41:00.004-07:00

THIS is a picture of baby after HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME*

*Let me define 'slept through the night':

-well, baby did not actually sleep through the night, but when he woke up, I didn't get up, and so that counts.

-just because baby slept does not mean the mommy slept well. Oh no, oh no. I, kept trying to convince myself baby was fine and was sleeping so well.....i only went and checked on him two, maybe three times.

-you may notice my hair is wet in the picture, well it's because I got to take a shower before baby woke! No really. I got to take a shower a) in an hour that ends with "A.M." b) without listening to caged Cyrus scream c) that was followed by actual "getting ready", as defined by me, which is still something.

So there you go. I am going to go celebrate my new-founded life with a sweet potato. Hull-o!

Let Me Be Clear

2008-12-14T20:54:00.002-07:00

Let me be clear. I love the olds. Perhaps my previous entry has some people out there confused. It may seem that I've done a complete 180 from last Sunday. My feelings today may or may not be influenced by the cute old lady who sat behind me in relief society who told me how cute the buddy was dancing to the hymn, "We Are All Enlisted". I am easily influenced.

The olds + me = fun. Hence why I have included the following video:

2008-12-07T15:05:00.003-07:00

An "elderly" (that's as p.c. way of saying super old) lady at church gave me this tidbit of helpful advice about Cyrus Pierce today:

"He's going to be a handful."

Thanks, you old bag.

At Least He'll Have His Looks To Rely On

2008-12-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

2008-11-26T16:07:00.002-07:00

Happy Five Year Vegetarianism Anniversary To Me!!

d.c + chocolate

2008-11-25T20:35:00.002-07:00

The only reason I made it through today:

plus:

At Lunch, Today

2008-11-21T15:12:00.002-07:00

Sooooo, I went out to eat with my old boss, Rick Lam. Yes, he is Chinese. Yes, I got asked to be a member of the Asian Chamber of Commerce by a client while working for him. Yes, he likes to point out that he is a real Asian, while I am, well, not. Yes, he tries to make me eat weird Chinese foods, and yes, he can eat with real chopsticks.

Enough questions. Back to my story.

After lunch, Rick was paying the bill (as all good ex-bosses should) and apparently the waitress asked him if I was his wife. You know, cause she thinks we are a nice Chinese family dining on some traditional Mexican fare. Rick, of course, started laughing his head off, and the waitress decided to question me further:

Waitress: "You're not Asian?"

Me, politely: "No, sorry. I'm just that cute."

Waitress, while looking at baby: "Are you sure?"

Me, laughingly: "Yes, I am sure. I just look Asian next to Rick." (This is a lie. I look Asian most anywhere).

Waitress: "I could have sworn...."

This is a true story.

2008-11-11T21:53:00.002-07:00

When you're driving down the road, fighting traffic, and you just want to get home, sometimes it's nice to see a jazzercise sticker in the back of someone's car window. It's like everything is all right in the world after all.

Llama Schlama

2008-11-08T11:47:00.003-07:00

Sometimes you just need to wear matching llama hats.

Sunday, Sunday

2008-11-02T21:41:00.005-07:00

You know it's going to be a good Sunday when:

a) the 'what we are thankful for today' list complied in the Relief Society lesson includes Wal-mart.

b) you pass a van on the way to church with a backseat-spilling-into-middle-seat full of baskets. Like the wicker kind people used to give away as presents in the late nineties.

c) somebody welcomes you back into the ward but also mentions they miss your sister, and you tell the nice person that they shouldn't miss your sister because you and your baby are infinitely cooler. (he he he, little sister).

d) they first counselor announces that THE FURNACE WON'T BE FIXED UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH....MAYBE. (if that's not an excuse to start watching sacrament on the BYU channel, I don't know what is!)

e) you down an entire cereal bar during sacrament before remembering it's fast sunday.

Can't wait till next week.

HALLOWENEENEXTRAVAGANZAAAAA2008

2008-10-31T22:09:00.008-06:00

Sometimes you throw a Halloween party, and sometimes you throw a HALLOWEENEXTRAVAGANZAAAA2008 party, which is what we did tonight. If, sadly, you were not invited to HALLOWEENEXTRAVAGANZAAAA2008, don't be sad. Most likely it was because

a) I assumed you had something better to do, or at least you should have something better to do.

ii) I assumed you were above eating a total vegetarian meal.

CC) I didn't talk to you in the past two weeks, which is pretty much the best way to garner an invitation to a CHENEYEXTRAVAGANZA party.

Anyway, HALLOWEENEXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA2008 was a roaring success, mostly due to the enormous amount of cuteness stuffed into my son (an oh yeah, that niece of mine, but mostly my son. Obviously.) And without a further ado, here is a photo montage of why HALLOWEENEXTRAVAGANZAAAA2008 should be on your calendar for next year:

The photo below demonstrates the strength of my parenting skills. Hello!! Every ten month old I know should be having his first taste of, what is that licorce?, by this age.

Family shot: I am a pin-up girl/mostly mom, Keith is a UPS worker, and baby is a sailor. Ahoy! Look at me I'm sailing! (ten points if you got the movie quote there.)

Here is a very cute penguin we ran into during our trick-or-treat time.

In the interest of full disclosure I should point out that this photo was taken pre-HALLOWEENEXTRAVAGANZAAAAA2008, but hull-o, check out those fat rolls! You can't pay for rolls like that!

Hope to see you next year!

TLC

2008-10-29T12:26:00.003-06:00

Sometimes commercials are good. And sometimes the order in which commercials come, is even better. While watching the TLC channel this morning (I am a stay at home mom, after all) there was a commercial for the show "Little People, Big World" followed by a commercial (and I'm not kidding) for Fisher Price's Little People toys. Oh sweet, sweet irony!

That is all.

TGIF

2008-10-24T08:00:00.000-06:00

CONTEST!

2008-10-22T22:54:00.003-06:00

Announcing the first ever.....

BOX A DONUT CONTEST!!!!!!

the contest: whoever gets me the most donuts/moving boxes gets a prize! see below for more details.

the reason: finding enough moving boxes is literally the worst part of moving to me. i don't know why. well, yes i do. i am always searching for boxes in dumpsters....at night...in sketchy parts of town....in dark allies. this probably has something to do with my hatred. i know! i know! i should call ahead and talk to the produce dude at the smith's, but really, who has time for that? i mean besides my sister, Jamie?

the rules: get me donuts or moving boxes. that's it! you do get double points for banburry cross donuts, and triple points if you bring me those adorable halloween donuts they are selling there only on halloween day. oh they are to die for! they have little ghost donuts with chocolate chips for eyes! oh for the love of all things fattening! i will award an undetermined amount of points if you bring me a delicious unrelated food item that i am craving, such as: a 12 inch subway sandwhich, veggie style, with a ton of chipolte sauce, crystal light slurpees, anything involving a french cheese product, nachos, or taco bell products. as for boxes, i am not picky. i particularly like boxes that say interesting things on the outside like "hecho en mexico" or "live animal". but once again, not picky here.

the prize: my eternal gratitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hell-o! can't put a price tag on that!

Arsenal of Pretty

2008-10-22T11:46:00.003-06:00

I think I just hit a new fashion low. Which is really saying something, for someone who can go days without combing her hair and recycles outfits (i.e. wearing the same outfit two days in a row to get the most usage out of whatever terrific concoction of clothing I've come up with) better than tin cans. Even though we're at least a few days away from moving away, I packed up my female arsenal of pretty today. You know, the blow dryers, the crimpers, the straighters, the velcro roller things that you always buy, but I don't think anyone really uses. I even included my lint rollers and 90% of my 'hair products'. (I use this term loosely, as I don't think it's legal to call the econo-size bottle of gel that you bought at wal-mart back in the late nineties for a buck-ninety-nine a true 'hair product'. ) I can pack all of these products up with a 99.9% degree of certainty that I will not have any need for them in the next 3-5 days. Heck, I probably don't have any use for them in the next 3-5 weeks, maybe even months.

I'm generally pretty terrible at "doing" my hair on a regular basis. I mean, my hairdresser knows that there is pretty much no chance that I will actually do my hair as nature and her have intended. She always starts off with the phrase "So, are you doing your hair yet?". Geez! Don't judge hairdresser girl! But lately it's gotten even worse. You see I have these 'baby hairs' (at least that's what my cousins call them. They are those little hairs that grow along the forehead that are tiny for some reason. Usually they are wispy, borderline, cute looking) growing out right at the beginning of my part, and well, they are about 1.5 inches long and want to either a) curl crazily, or b) stick straight out. And it's the wee one's fault. After giving birth to the wee one, my hair fell out like a chemo patient, and I can say that, 'cause I was there when Keith's hair fell out. Seriously. It was ridiculous. And now it's starting to grow back in, so yes, we have baby hair as a result of an actual baby. OH THE IRONY!!!

So, if you notice that my hair is looking extra crazy-lady these days, just give me some more packing boxes and a donut. It's all a girl needs.

**PS, I have included the photo above to illustrate that even as a SMALL CHILD my hair was crazy. Yes, I'm the one on the far right who my grandma is lovingly adoring, cause, well, I was her favorite!!!! Sorry the rest of my siblings!!!! Can't help it!!!!

Rock the Procrastination

2008-10-20T17:37:00.002-06:00

Yes, I was one of those people who waited until the last minute to vote. Literally. I went at 4:07 PM on the last day, and waited in a line of cars that snaked around the parking lot. I was one of those people that couldn't register to vote unless I could do so conveniently. You know, not get out of my car, have someone hand me a form and a few minutes later, take it from me. I call it McDonalds voter registration, and it works. Geez! Don't judge!

2008-10-19T14:45:00.002-06:00

dear couple in front of my in front of me in the silver "new" bug on 600 s. on saturday afternoon:

next time you stop to kiss/make out/playfully brush things off each others nose's at every light and sometimes the beginning of a green light, i will not be so kind by not honking/rolling my eyes/throwing mean things at your car. be aware.

sincerely,

the girl in the car that appears to have not been cleaned since last july, which is sadly true.

Classifieds

2008-10-17T09:25:00.002-06:00

Wanted:

-Moving boxes to, well, move with.

-People who want to fill those boxes with my stuff.

-People who don't mind searching through my stuff for roaches so we attempt the impossible; that is, moving our stuff, minus the unwelcome guests.

-Kind persons who want to watch a whiney, but extremely pretty, baby. He's actually not that bad if you don't have to feed/put him to sleep/change him.

-I'd take even strangers who are willing to put in a little time installing some counter tops in the new house. Other household chores still waiting to be done are carpet, bathroom install everything, etc. Whatev. I'm flexible.

-People who are willing to answer the door when the newly released from his halfway house felon comes back to my door to complete his application to live in the apartment below me.

-Secretary-esque person who wants to answer the 23 phone calls a day I receive from interested apartment applicants. Warning: they call at all times of night/day/nap time.

Interested parties may submit applications to helpmehelpme@yahoo. com*

*this is not a real email address. duh.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

2008-10-12T22:03:00.003-06:00

Best thing I said to baby today: "Garbage is not a plaything!" (as baby tried to make the plastic-loves-to-suffocate-baby garbage bag into his personal friend, again, for the forth or fifth time today)

Best thing said to me today by a dirty old man at church: "I noticed the hem line of your dress has dropped." (You know, 'cause it's cold outside....geez)

Best thing I said about my dinner: "AHHHHHH! There's chicken in my stir fry!!!! Mom!!!!!" (Let me be clear: I. Do. Not. Eat. Chicken.)

Best thing I said about my dessert: "Thank you. I've had enough." (I must have ate an awful lot of dessert to utter that phrase. An awful lot of brownies, ice cream, cookies, licorice, sugar free mint patties, and a truffle or two)

2008-10-10T23:38:00.002-06:00

After indulging in one of my favorite narcissistic (try to spell that without spell check!) activities of Google searching my name, I was saddened to learn that there is another Emily Cheney (Neville) out there, and apparently she's quite famous. Wrote some book. With an award sticker on it. Geez! I'd have to search to like the 13th "O" in the Google search to find anything on yours truly.

Some girls have all the fun.

Ghetto is as Ghetto does

2008-10-10T15:04:00.002-06:00

You're invited to dinner at the Cheneys. Please bring your own ironing board.

Just Because

2008-10-08T13:56:00.005-06:00

It's ok if you're jealous. I would be if I was you and didn't have this cute baby as my beloved offspring. It's ok. We all have different gifts.

Monday Monday

2008-10-06T15:59:00.004-06:00

You know it's going to be one of those Monday's when:

1. Monday morning starts at 1:14 AM with a screaming baby.

2. Monday morning starts again at 2:30 AM with the same baby, same screaming.

3. Monday morning starts for reals at 7:00 AM with a definitely sick baby.

4. Someone DOORBELLS and KNOCKS on your door at 8:15 AM. As in morning. As in before business hours. As in when I don't answer the door cause I'm still in bed trying to convince baby that laying there in bed and listening to traffic is fun.

5. Baby discovers, despite his apparent illness, how to stand himself up on about 13 more objects in the home. Objects covered with sharp edges and blunt parts.

6. Poor baby starts drooling like a newborn puppy.

7. You spend 45 minutes on the phone with Comcast trying to get your internet turned back on 'cause they were dumb enough NOT to run your auto-pay application. Ha! Double cross me? I don't think so Mr. & Mrs. Comcast. You will listen to my valid complaint and you will comply. Now.

8. You have to turn down an offer for a free samwhich from your favorite brother (shhh! don't tell Jon) because you have motherly responsibilities like feeding/changing/caring/putting down to sleep baby.

9. You finish off the bag of Marshmallow Pumpkin Candies as an after-breakfast snack (and have already made plans for baking some brownies for dinner by noon).

10. The first item on your to do list is "write a to do list".

Awesome

2008-10-01T14:04:00.003-06:00

One of my favorite quotes is "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

I like this quote because on average I hear it about once a week, give or take. People love using this quote cause they think it's super original, and adds a note of profundity to their point. NOt that I blame them. Who doesn't like to quote Albert Einstein or Ben Franklin or whomever?

This quote also accurately describes my approach to television watching. In our quest for ultimate economy, we settled for the "Basic" cable option, which really isn't cable at all, at least not in the traditional sense. You basically get all of the regular channels plus QVC and more habla espanol channels. Thanks to Comcast bundling, I only pay a precious $4 for this ultimate of entertainment options. Despite the fact that I have memorized what is on each channel at every moment of the day, I find myself flippin' though the channels hoping, praying, yearning that something will have changed. Like that the Spanish channels are suddenly broadcasting with English subtitles and I can finally find out what is going on with that show with the pretty girls, midget, and dancing fat man. I'm convinced that instead of selling things, the home shopping network will start feeding the hungry, or the very least, start showing reruns of The Prince of Bell Air. Even though I know, I know, that King of the Hill is not on Channel 13 at 4:30 like it used to be, and as been replaced by another asinine court tv show, I check every day to see if Fox has undone their mistake. I'm also hoping that the public television channels will start broadcasting Sesame Street 24/7 (for the baby of course) instead of these other random children shows. Word Girl? Between the Lions? Who has even heard of these newfangled shows? Give me the old stuff!

Probably my best bet would be to turn off the tv (or at least wait until 6:00, when the good stuff comes on) and like sleep or exercise or something. But hey, let's not get carried away.

The Moms are coming! The Moms are coming!

2008-09-29T22:21:00.006-06:00

You might as well pull up your nine inch zipper and remind yourself you're not a woman anymore, you're a mom when you do the following things:

1. You change a toilet seat while holding an infant child. Yah, using a screwdriver with my left hand holding an intrigued wee child in my right arm. You also may be wondering why in the world I would be changing a toilet seat in the first place. Welllllllllllll, someone in our family that is not me or baby managed to sit on the economy t.s. (toilet seat) in such a manner that it actually cracked in half (pun intended). You really can't blame the unnamed member of our family that is not me or baby because of the dynamic position of the toilet, it's pretty much impossible to sit on the t.s. in any normal fashion. Just another perk of apartment managing.

b. You think you had a really good day because baby took two naps and fell asleep on his own both times! And it doesn't stop there! You got all four lawns mowed (perk #109 of apartment managing) and didn't get your eye poked out when you accidently mowed over a rusty metal hanger! What luck! And did I mention that you got two of the five loads of laundry completed? Geez! Do the Mom perks ever end??

iii. When you thought to yourself, "Mmmmm, I want to have a little fun today. What should I do?" and the first idea that pops into your head is "Let's go shopping at D.I. and see if we can find any fun things for baby/home/fun/halloween/christmas/presents," well, not only are you definitely a mom, but you are probably one of the cheapest moms. The kind of mom who always buys second-hand, and pretends that she does it cause it's enviro-friendly, but the deep dark truth is you are extremely cheap. Not making an income can do this to a girl. Don't judge.

dd. You feel a little empty inside when you didn't have even one chance to use the phrase "your mom" or it's derivative, "your mom is a man" not even once today.

5. You consider yourself to be some sort of domestic inspiration to all because you not only made dinner (and not just a Taco Bell run) that included a) a meat item for the man, b) a light alfredo sauce from a can, c) muffins from a box. Two boxes to be exact, and you licked the bowl clean, cause you know, the economy is definitely taking a hard hit and we should all start packing on the lbs. in case the crap really hits the fan.

vi. You don't want to wash your make up off at 10:47 pm cause you feel like it's such a waste because you did just put it on at 6:35 pm, right after your 6:25 pm shower.

g. You are dumb enough to stay up blogging instead of freakin' going to sleep. Geez!